My World
by Dawn Tea
Summary: Tsuna had nothing to look forward to life anymore and after cutting himself off from the world and becoming a recluse, Iemitsu finally gives up on Tsuna- resorting to calling on Reborn for help. R27
1. Prolog

**My world chapter 1 : Prologue **

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

Xxx

Tsuna had locked himself in for half a year now. If he was living normally, he would have been a high school boy by now. But he had locked himself in and didn't go to school anymore since his idol, Kyouko Sasagawa went to Midori High School (an all girl's school) instead of a normal high school like Namimori. It had ruined his spirit. He had nothing to look forward to in school anymore.

And to his dismay, the bullying had taken a turn for the worse. He had to wrap bandages around new injuries everyday even when he gave in and had his money stolen – but those weren't the only reasons why he had given up on life.

His mother Nana had died. Kind, loving, beautiful Nana – and no one knew why. Nana had been found in the middle of a puddle of blood. Someone _**had murdered**_ her.

His father, Iemitsu, had turned into even more of a workaholic than before. Iemitsu had cracked jokesandtried to talk to Tsuna for a while, but he failed and had given up. He had chosen to work more and even when he was home, he was always drunk.

He lived by himself now. He dealed with it in his own way – he worked part time jobs at night and slept through the day. Sometimes, rarely, he went to school. Iemitsu tried to lecture him. Sometimes he used force. It had surprised him because Iemitsu had never been one to use force and actually harm him. But it had all failed.

Tsuna despised that man. He hated him for leaving him and his mother. Tsuna used to demand Iemitsu to play with him or teach him like other kids did with their parents, but he always broke the promises he made. He said it was for his job. If only Iemitsu would care about him more, if only he had acted showed it earlier, maybe it would have been fine.

_**But it was all too late**_.

His father had called him last night and from the way Tsuna saw it, he was trying to ruin his life all over again. Iemitsu had decided Tsuna needed a home tutor. But he didn't need a home tutor. After all, he didn't go to school anymore. What was the point having home tutor if you don't study anymore?

He shrugged. He wouldn't accept it.

Xxx

Stepping off the plane in the Namimori airport, Reborn ignored the curious stares he received and headed for the address Iemitsu had given didn't take long for Reborn to reach the Sawada specifically timed his arrival so that he would be able to observe a full day in Tsuna's life. Iemitsu had given him a file on Tsuna, but to his dissatisfaction, it wasn't enough. So he had to gather information by himself.

_Flashback_

_Italy_

Vongola Nono, also known as Timoteo Vongola had lost his two biological sons due to the conflict over the inheritance of the boss position. It had been decided that his other son, Federico, would take the position as Vongola Decimo.

"I only teach the best," Reborn refused.

"Just help me old friend. It would mean so much to me," Iemitsu pleaded.

Reborn sighed. There would be no benefits in teaching Tsuna. He wouldn't take over the position of Vongola Decimo or be leader of CEDEF like Iemitsu. There already was Basil who would take over for Iemitsu someday. That only added his pain to know Iemitsu had kept all this from him.

"He's cut himself off from outside world and won't let me help him. He won't listen to me anymore."

"Fine," Reborn finally relented, "But you know my methods are not soft," he warned. Iemitsu knew he had placed Tsuna in the right hands.

_End Flashback_

Reborn sighed. Such a troublesome child. If only Tsuna knew how much Iemitsu loved him and hadn't decided to lie and distant himself.

Reborn knew. He knew how broken Iemitsu had been when Nana had died. He knew how the man had wanted to go home so very badly because he had promised Tsuna to attend his school play with him.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently to see his new prey- eh student.

When the door finally opened, Reborn studied the boy supposed Iemitsu's rants on his son did have some truth to them. Tsuna had some bandages that looked fresh. His brown eyes were lifeless, the eyes of a loser who had no purpose in life and was merely content to simply exist**.**

"Ciaossu, I'm Reborn," he introduced himself, "The home tutor."

Tsuna looked him for a few moments before closing the door on his face without saying anything.

Thick throbbing marks appeared on Reborn's head. People who ignored him were sent to hell by him, personally.

Xxx

Tsuna had been wondering what kind of person that Iemitsu had sent. But there was nothing he could learn from a _**baby**_**.** Tsuna sighed and decided to ignore him.

That was until the second his door was destroyed by the baby with a strange, green pistol.

"I have no openings. My true line of work is assassination," said Reborn. "And my job is to teach you, _**Dame-Tsuna**_."

Tsuna flinched as he remembered his nickname from middle of school. Every bit of his nickname "Dame-Tsuna" made sense to him. He failed in academics. He always scored lower than average students at school. He couldn't play any sports without tripping up and either injuring himself or some poor unsuspecting classmate. And he didn't have any friends.

"Just leave me alone!" Tsuna snapped. He didn't like others' sympathy. He was fine the way he was. Why did Reborn have to come and destroy his world?

"That won't do," Reborn decided, and smacked Tsuna on the head, causing him to fall unconscious.

Xxx


	2. Change

**My world chapter 1 : Change**

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

Xxx

It was one of the days that Tsuna had went to school, and as usual, he had failed on all of his tests. To make it worse, he had faced bullies who were more than glad to inflict several new wounds on him. Tsuna had gotten home earlier than usual. He didn't want his Sensei or anyone elseto take their stress out on him and cause him more pain

.

He felt dejected, useless, and just simply tired at everything. No matter how much he tried, he failed again and again. Like on his tests. Even when he had studied, he had only gotten thirty out of hundred. No one wanted to help him so he couldn't ask anyone. His Sensei had given up, only seeing him as a loser and wouldn't help him anymore.

_No one_ wanted to talk with him or be his friend. And his home tutor had simply come to his house with nothing to teach him.

Even though his mother, Nana, had loved him, she had also accepted the fact that her son was 'no good' and useless. He didn't like that. He had wanted Nana to be proud and praise him. He had wanted Nana to be happy and so that no one would dare to make fun of her. But _**she**_ _**was gone. Dead. Murdered**_. He had lost his chance to prove his worth to her, and make her proud.

He was simply tired of everything. It was time he gave up and accepted that he was no good at living and useless at fighting back

.

It was meaningless to try to fight back. No matter how hard he tried, his mother would stay dead. His father didn't care about him and nobody expected anything from Dame-Tsuna.

"I'm home….." He muttered quietly. He was too embarrassed to face his mother because he had failed his test again and he didn't want to make her worry about his injuries.

But there was nothing to great had forgotten again. Nana was dead. A dull pain throbbed in his heart, but he pushed it away.

In the end, he was the same as that man. No good, always lying and making Nana wished he had the power to change that.

XXXX

Tsuna woke up crying, something he'd never done for a long time. After so many dreamless nights, why did he have to dream about that day again? The day that his world began to crumble and destroy itself.

He didn't want it to change.

"Time to wake up, Dame-Tsuna," a voice called out to the teenager who was barely aware of his surroundings.

A sharp kick to his stomach jolted him wide awake. Tsuna let out a cry and before he realized it, he was kicked again, this time from the other side and was pushed off his bed, flying through the air from the force. His tired body slammed into a wall mercilessly, like a rag doll.

Tsuna sent a hateful glare at the violentinfant.

"I'm hungry. Go make me some food," Reborn ordered.

Chocolate brown eyes blinked. When was the last time he ate? Last night? At lunch? He never ate properly anymore.

"There are some cup noodles. Just make them and go away," Tsuna said and buried himself back into the bed.

After he said that, Reborn landed another kick onto his face.

"What are you doing?!" Tsuna snapped.

"I mean cook me food properly, Dame Tsuna, and I can't make cup noodle anymore. I already burned them all because they're not good for your health."

Tsuna paled at the thought.

"What?!" He exclaimed.

Reborn smirked. "Don't worry about that. I will make you a leader in life. Now go cook me some edible food and go to school."

Xxx

'Are they finally gone?' Tsuna thought, panting and leaning against the alley walls behind a garbage can.

"He's got to be around here somewhere, go look for him!" a voice close by barked out, followed by the sound of footsteps coming closer.

Tsuna slowly sank to the ground, sighing in relief as the group of bullies ran past. He had been running from Mochida-senpai who held a long-lasting grudge against him. Just because he had lost a kendo match against him in middle school. It had been a fluke, anyway, but since then, Mochida hadn't stopped bullying him.

That was why he never liked going to school anymore. Just five minutes there, and he was already facing trouble. If only Reborn, the devil disguised in a baby's body hadn't forced him to go to school, he wouldn't have been in this mess.

Oh… how life hated him. For a second, a wry smile flashed across his face, a bitter one full of loathing and hatred of life. Because of his reputation, he had been made fun of by others since primary school

Tsuna closed his eyes and sighed. So many things had happened in the last 24 hours and it was getting on his nerves. He really wished everything would go back intoa normal, familiar pace. He didn't mind his life like that. At least he didn't get hurt by others too often. Only when he deigned to go to school.

"Running away? You really are Dame-Tsuna. Real men fight with their dying will," Reborn commented, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

"I would lose anyway. There's no point in fighting. And what do you know about me?" Tsuna said wearily.

The infant looked up. Two, huge, pitch black, innocent eyes, baby eyes stared right into his. "I know, Dame-Tsuna, the pathetic loser who always runs away from everything. The no-good kid who can't be man enough to stand up for himself, but even so, I believe that you will be able to defeat Mochida with your dying will," the infant replied confidently.

Tsuna scoffed, "Last time was just luck. I never beat Mochida again –and even if I did, they wouldn't stop treating me like trash."

Reborn whacked Tsuna head with green hammer and left him alone amongst the trash, where he really belonged, Tsuna thought sardonically.

Xxx

Tsuna stepped through the sliding doors of his classroom, and went over to his desk at the back next to the window. He felt a little nostalgia. It had been a long time since he had gone to school.

"Hey Dame-Tsuna!" Yamamato called.

Yamamato was a star in the kendo club. He could become captain if he didn't slack off in practice and wasn't a first year like him. In middle school, he had jumped out off of the roof, and barely survived, because his arm had been broken. He had quit baseball after his recovery and became serious with the path of the sword instead.

Even after that, unlike him, Yamamoto Takeshi was athletic, though he hadn't exactly excelled in academics. He was the total opposite of Tsuna. He was popular, tall, out-going and friendly with people. And since he didn't focus on baseball anymore, his grades were good.

"Yes?" Tsuna asked, flustered. He was never good talking with people like Yamamoto.

"Mochida-senpai asked me to bring you to the gym after school. He wanted a match with you like in middle school. One on one."

Tsuna shivered at the thought. It had really been just pure luck. He had only beaten Mochida that time, once. It wouldn't happen second time. He would have to run away after school like always and lock himself in again.

"Well, good luck," Yamamoto told him cheerily with a smile on his face before leaving.

Xxx

_After school_

It was raining and the gym was filled with students. After all, it was history that the kendo club captain would go and challenge a useless weak guy, the famous Dame-Tsuna of the school. The fight itself promised so much to laugh at!

Who would pass the chance to watch Dame-Tsuna make a fool of himself like tripping in the middle of match?

But sadly, the brunet had chosen to be a coward and had run from the match. Yamamato had helped him run.

"Don't get me wrong, Tsuna. I'm helping you this time, but I won't ever forgive you," Yamamato said.

Tsuna went numb at his words. It was fine if Yamamato hated him. He deserved it. In middle school, Yamamato had sought his help, but he had given the wrong advice and had inadvertently caused Yamamato to break his arm.

He had been afraid to approach and console Yamamato after that. He was afraid that he had messed up and made Yamamato jump. He could be considered a killer. He didn't want that.

"At least it opened my eyes to people like you. You're just a loser who is selfish and will hurt other people for his own sake."

Tsuna just stayed quiet; he didn't dare utter a word in fear Yamamoto would be even madder at him than he already was. He was right. It was all his fault. If only he hadn't given his useless advice, maybe Yamamato would have continued to do what he enjoyed and played baseball and be a star of it in high school too.

He could see that Yamamato still longed for the sport he loved and was searching for friends."I'm sorry," his voice was hoarse, as he gave the useless apology. He held back his tears. He refused to cry in front of Yamamato.

Yamamato just sighed and walked back to school, ignoring Tsuna.

Suddenly, Reborn appeared at nowhere like always."Ciaossu! I see you're running away again. Are you happy to run away from every problem you face like this, Tsuna? Mochida won't stop pestering you and you will always be Dame-Tsuna."

"It's fine like this."

Xxx

Reborn left Tsuna alone so that Tsuna could cool off. He gritted his teeth. That child was a hopeless case. Well, he wouldn't be soft on him anymore. After watching and collecting data about Tsunayoshi, he was finally done with his investigation. Now it was time to teach Tsuna what his Spartan methods were like.

But, it was so strange.

Many things could be gained from killing Iemitsu Sawada's child. The man had many enemies amongst the mafia, enemies whom would pay a great deal for the corpse of the Young Lion of the Vongola's son, Sawada Tsunayoshi.

But the house looked so ordinary. No observers, and no protectors either. Nothing. Reborn scoffed. Iemitsu was so naive. Sometimes he wondered how Iemitsu could be the leader of the CEDEF. Maybe Iemitsu believed that Tsuna would be saved only if distanced himself or maybe he just didn't care about the child at all. Tsuna could be considered lucky to have lived so long.

The mafia world was unforgiving, cruel and dark. He had seen many good people die and only the heartless ones who backstabbed others survived. It was a den of monsters. Children died early in their lives because they were either killed or experimented on due to their connection with the mafia.

Tsuna wasn't an exception. He was being played with by the mafia cruelly even though he didn't know that. Nana was clearly murdered by a member of mafia who held a grudge against Iemitsu. And his father had a sick obsession with the mafia organization, Vongola.

That was why at least this child would have normal life. Away from mafia. That was the least he could do for him, and he would make sure of it.

Xxx

Tsuna finally arrived home. The house was filled with silence and darkness. He had gotten used to that. He searched for a light and tried to not trip in the dark room.

If only he didn't go out. He wouldn't be forced to face trouble. He hated how he was reminded by others how useless he was. He already knew that, and didn't need it to be rubbed in. He hated how he troubled others. No one would miss him if he was gone, anyway. He knew that. He had tried to take his life several times. But he was too much of a coward to go through with it.

Tsuna shook off the depressing thoughts as he headed to the bathroom. He passed the mirror, taking a look at his reflection. It showed a gloomy boy who had many bandages covering his face and his eyes were void of any emotions. His bangs covered his eyes and there were dark circles under them.

He tried to smile. Instead, it looked like a grimace. He had forgotten how to do that in a long time.

'Just smile and your pain will go away.' He always told himself to do that. To brush away every trouble and run away from them and forget about it. He didn't want to solve his trouble because he knew he would mess up in the end, like when he tried to be a friend to Yamamato and gave him the wrong piece of advice.

Seeing his reflection made him feel even worse – his futility showed on the outside, too.

There was a rising feeling in his chest telling him that he didn't want to run anymore, but he brushed it off like everything else and returned to his dark world.

Xxx


	3. Truth

**My world chapter 2 : Truth**

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

Xxx

When Tsuna woke up, he was surprised to find that Iemitsu had returned home. It had been an extraordinary long time since he had come home. Iemitsu hadn't even gonetoNana's funeral because of his work. He sighed. What was he planning? But whatever. It wasn't his business. He would ignore his useless father until he went back to work again. And everything would be fine.

He just had to make sure Iemitsu stayed far, far away from the kitchen and the washroom. When he was a kid and Nana had been sick, Iemitsu had tried to cook, keyword; tried. The food hadn't been edible and the kitchen was half-burnt in his failed attempt. And when he had _tried_ washing clothes, the clothes had somehow miraculously been ripped apart and the washing machine broke.

He would wash and cook for Iemitsu even if he didn't exactly like it. It would avoid major headaches and save him from a lot of trouble.

"Hi Tsuna! It has been a long time since I've seen you, my son. You've totally grown up," Iemitsu tried to sound cheerful.

''Of course father, since the last time you saw me was three years ago," Tsuna said backdryly.

"Ahahaha, I see," Iemitsu laughed awkwardly, "How's school?" he asked. It sounded really forced. Tsuna found that Iemitsu's attempt at breaking the silence had made it even worse.

"It was…fun and my grades are fine, so I didn't need Tutor, _father_,"Tsuna lied, having decided to put them both out of their misery. Well at least the part about his grades wasn't a lie. His grades were good and not as bad as when he was in middle school. It was just his absences that were a little off and made his grades average.

"I see, but your teacher called me because of your absences. Are you slacking off again?" Iemitsu asked.

"Sometimes. But my grade are good so it should be fine," Tsuna mumbled. It was another one of those talks again. His father spouting off about the joys of life and trying to create a father-son bonding session, and already Tsuna could see that it would end terribly.

Iemitsu frowned. "That's not good. You should relax and have fun. How about joining a club? Like occult, baseball, boxing or even the discipline committee."

Tsuna resisted the urge to snort. His father didn't even know what he liked or disliked. Tsuna held no interest in things like supernatural phenomena like UFO or UMA, so there was absolutely no reason as to why he should join the occults ? No, just no. He wasn't athletic at all. And Hibari would bite him to death for even considering becoming a member of the disciplinary committee. After all,his classification was 'herbivore'. Besides, he wasn't all that interested in changing his hair-style just to join.

Clearly getting no response from him, Iemitsu finally ventured, "Do you know Gokudera Hayato?"

Xxx

"Now, don't be shy. Introduce yourself!" Iemitsu demanded.

"Tch. Gokudera Hayato," he ground out reluctantly.

Tsuna knew him. They shared a class in Namimori Middle School in his first year and Gokudera had always been known as a delinquent and trouble maker in school, but he was smart and always got a hundred on his tests and was popular with the girls.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi."

"Get along well, neh?" Iemitsu said. He clearly couldn't read the atmosphere.

Apparently, Gokudera would beliving with him now because his apartment had been taken down. So he had to live with him until Gokudera found a new apartment.

"Neh, let's help Gokudera-kun finish up with his luggage and we can have sushi. Papan has sushi vouchers from Take-Sushi," Iemitsu suggested.

Tsuna nodded and started to help but was suddenly pushed away roughly by Gokudera. Tsuna was shocked for a moment, a little hurt and angry before realising _why _Gokudera had done it. Gokudera had saved him from a bullet and had let it hit him instead.

There was a stranger in the room, and she held a small gun in her trembling hands. She kept it pointed at Tsuna, even as smoke curled up from the barrel from her shot.

"I won't forgive you, Vongola! Because of you my child died! I'm going to take my revenge and have you experience the same pain!" even as tears gathered up in her eyes, she cried out in Italian, leaving Tsuna clueless at what she had just said. When had she gotten in, anyway?

He was afraid. Very afraid. His mouth had dried up, and was sweating bullets and he had to stop himself from laughing at the irony of it. Hah. Sweating bullets.

Tsuna was helpless couldn't do anything. Useless. He truly was squeezed his eyes shut, resigned to his fate of being killed by a stranger.

He braced himself for the shot but when nothing happened, he opened his eyes to the woman collapsed in Iemitsu's , Iemitsu had managed to restrain her and had knocked the gun out of her hands.

"Tsuna! Call an ambulance!" Iemitsu ordered.

Tsuna didn't need to be told twice. He raced for the phone.

Xxx

Reborn had found a group of assassins lurking around today. That's why he had left Tsuna for a moment to dispose of any of those who could potentially hurt Tsuna. When he had left, he hadn't expected to return to so much trouble.

Reborn tilted his fedora. "I didn't expect to see you so soon, Iemitsu."

The man grinned slightly. "I know. But I missed my cute son so badly and decided to make a little visit. But he's as shy as always," Iemitsu complained.

"What's your plan anyway?" asked Reborn.

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Why didn't you save your own son from the assassin? We all know that you're more than capable. Instead, you made Gokudera take the bullet for Tsuna."

"I needed to test Gokudera's loyalties first. You must know his reputation as a lone wolf in the mafia world and of his repeated betrayals to all of the Familgias that he has worked for. I needed to make sure that he won't be dangerous to my Tsuna," Iemitsu explained grimly and continued, "But he managed to reach my expectations."

"What if Gokudera didn't defend Tsuna? What if Tsuna was the one who had to take three bullets instead?" Reborn questioned coldly.

Iemitsu just laughed and said, "That would never have happened because no matter what, I will keep my son safe. Gokudera was lucky to have passed this test. Otherwise I would have had to eliminate him."

Xxx

The reason Gokudera had come to Japan, his mother's home-land was that three years ago, he had wanted to take a break from Shamal, his sister and father whom were always putting pressure on him and were now trying to force him to go back home and offered him big positions in his Famiglia.

Che. He didn't need that. He didn't need a family which could be bought and bribed with money. Gokudera wanted, _needed,_ to search for a place he could belong and be accepted as one of their own. That was his intention. But no matter what, he could never find a place to fit in and was betrayed by all the Famiglias he worked for.

Gokudera still didn't understand why. He always tried his best!

So he decided to stop and had come to Japan instead. There he had met Sawada Tsunayoshi. He had heard the stories about Sawada even in Italy and had been jealous of him. Even though Sawada was pathetic, wimpy and hopeless, he was of the Vongola-blood line. There was mafia blood on him. He _belonged_. Something that he didn't have and ached for dearly. Many would gladly recruit him for his status,despite his uselessness.

That's why he hated, _loathed_ Sawada. He couldn't do anything right, but would get what he wanted without trying.

"Are you alright?" Tsuna asked anxiously.

The boy had been by his side from the moment hehad woken up and fretted over him. It annoyed Gokudera. Sawada couldn't stop apologizing and offering him help. Che. He didn't need any help. Let alone from _him._

"Do I look alright?!" he said bitterly and sent Sawada a death-glare.

"N-no..." The boy shrunk back into his seat. Che. Typical. Probably afraid of him. Coward.

Smoking Bomb Hayato scoffed at how pathetic the boy was. He didn't understand why Reborn, the world's greatest hitman was wasting time to teach someone like him. He would make Reborn go back to Italy with him and make a name for himself. so Vongola would accept him as Federico's right hand man.

That was what he had been thinking in the first place. He had never expected the leader of CEDEF to offer him the job of being Tsuna's bodyguard and promising him the position of right man he had dreamed of so many times for the future.

It was his only choice. Because of his damn blood. Many mafia Famiglias had rejected him, not sparing him a first glance, much less a second one. Now he had finally gotten the chance to prove his worth. And he wouldn't let it go. That was his only reason to stick with Sawada and put up with him.

"I'm sorry you got hurt because of me. I'm really sorry. I'll help you in any way I can. Do you need anything?" Sawada asked, eyebrows furrowed in uneasiness.

"I don't need your help! Don't get me wrong! The only reason I protected you is because of my contract with the External Advisor of the Vongola. Nothing to do with you. My only goal is to be the Vongola Decimo's right hand. If not, I wouldn't be wasting my time here with someone like _you_. So just go away!"

The brunet flinched a little, but had to voice his curiosity. "External Advisor of the Vongola?"

Pathetic. He even didn't know his father held an important position. "Yes. Your damn fatheris a part of the biggest mafia group around. You didn't know?" He let a smirk curl on his lips when he saw the shell-shocked and almost disbelieving expression on the other boy's face. A sick feel of triumph went through him.

Xxx

It was impossible. His useless father couldn't be in the mafia. He was an oil digger who travelling over the world, as ridiculous as it sounded. It had to be a sick joke! It wasn't even funny.

"You're a liar!" he shouted at Gokudera.

"Of course not!" Just ask your useless father!" Gokudera replied right back at him.

Tsuna gritted his teeth. He had to get a hold of Iemitsu now before the man left again. He needed to make it sure of it. He shoved the door open with more force than necessary and set off to search for Iemitsu. Finally after a long search he found him talking with a doctor about Gokudera's health.

"Hey, Tsuna. Why do you look so puffed out?" Iemitsu asked

Tsuna panted. He needed some air to circulate to his poor over-worked lungs before he could talk again.

"It's a lie, isn't it**?!** Gokudera-kun said **you're a part of the** mafia. That's not true. Right? _Right?!_ Just tell me he was lying!" Tsuna pleaded, his voice cracking on the last word. There was little hope in his dull brown eyes.

The goofy grin which was usually plastered all over the man's face was absent and the serious look on Iemitsu's face was unsettling. Tsuna never knew that he could make such a face.

Wearily and after a few moments of consideration, his father told him, "Gokudera told you the truth. I…I lied. My job isn't being an oil digger or a man of the earth. It's just my cover. My real job is in the mafia and that woman who shot Gokudera was an assassin. She was targeting you because…" Iemitsu sighed, "Because she held a grudge against me." Then he dropped the bombshell. "And this is because I'm the _**External Advisor**__** for **__**the**__** Vongola**_. It's a big position in mafia world."

Tsuna felt a little faint. So Iemitsu had lied to him and his mother all this time. Did his mother die just because she had been married to Iemitsu? She had done nothing wrong! And Iemitsu continued to stay in that world. The same world that had killed his mother.

He covered his ears, the blood rushing past sounded like a tsunami. No more. He didn't want to hear any of this again. Just, no more! His head felt like it was going to explode.

"But you can relax." Iemitsu's words filtered through, regardless. "Papan will ensure your safety. You have Reborn and Gokudera. They will protect you from any harm…and I won't appear in front of you again. It's just that I suddenly became more famous and many assassins are trying to kill me. It will become dangerous for you too," Iemitsu said and patted Tsuna's spiky head comfortingly.

They were all lies! They had to be! Tsuna didn't want to trust that man again. He told himself that he didn't care the slightest. If Iemitsu truly cared about him, he would stay with him. He had almost been killed and inadvertently caused Gokudera to be heavily injured. Who knew what would come next? And all that man could do was bloody pat him on his head like a child?!

"Well, Papan must go work now!" he said cheerfully, leaving a still shell-shocked and simmering Tsuna behind him.

Xxx

"What you are doing sitting around like this, Dame-Tsuna? You should be by Gokudera's side and guard him. After all, you owe him your life."

The brunet smiled tiredly. "He said he didn't need me…and he said he didn't intend to save me, Reborn. So I…I better get out his way, I guess…" whispered Tsuna, almost too low to be heard.

"Are you blind? He saved you from a bullet and let it hit him instead," Reborn said.

"But he wasn't sincere. He only did it because it was his duty to do so!" Tsuna snapped, voice rising a little.

Reborn raised his eyebrow. "Doesn't it matter? The fact he saved you and is hospitalized because of that won't change. You must help him, Dame-Tsuna."

Tsuna winced. "He'll just reject me again!"

Reborn smirked and kicked Tsuna in the face. "Try again with your dying will, Dame-Tsuna! You won't grow up if you just give up at everything and what's with that ridiculous strong act? It doesn't suit you at all. You are dame after all. Dame-Tsuna doesn't need totry to look cool. Just cry if you need to!"

The brunet remained quiet, speechless. Even from the short time that Tsuna had known him, he knew that in his own way, Reborn was comforting him. Turning away from the hitman, he let out astrangled, muffled sound he had been holding in all this time. He let all of the emotions that had been hiding flow out freely. The floodgates had finally opened. And for the first time in a long time, he let his worries go and cried like a child.

Maybe having Reborn as his tutor wasn't all bad.


	4. Threat

**My world chapter 3 :Threat **

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

He barely got a wink of sleep yesterday. All he could do was mull over the stories that he had been shared, realizing that his life could never return to what it had been before because of what had happened now. It hurt to know that he was hurting other people again while he was safe.

It was another day. Another boring day for Sawada Tsunayoshi. After Tsuna had learned his father was in the mafia,he didn't expect anything else from his father anymore. He would stop complaining, because it wouldn't change anything. And he drilled that one fact into his mind. He wouldn't expect anything anymore. He would stop hoping. And he was prepared to lose everything – including his life – anytime.

His life wasn't great at all. He had realized that fact a long time ago. The routine was like a sickness in him. It was one boring day and then another again. He sometimes hoped that someone would do him a favour and just cut off his life for him. Those were his thoughts before. But now he just didn't know anymore.

But the real problem was Reborn. It was getting harder and harder to keep his emotions in check. He couldn't help but get flustered or disconcerted in Reborn's presence. That baby knew him better than he did himself. Sometimes he wondered if Reborn could actually read his mind, from the way he read his heart so easily. He didn't like that.

Suddenly chalk hit his head square in the forehead, forcing him back to reality. The whole class laughed at him because he had been caught day dreaming in the middle of class.

"Sawada, come to the office later!" said Dino-sensei.

Dino was an English teacher at his school and his home room teacher. He was Italian and had become a teacher there not too long ago. He was actually kinder than the other teachers and popular with students. But he was clumsy. He wondered why Dino-sensei would sometimes lose all his coolness and be a klutz and trip over nothing.

After the class ended he was dragged to the teacher's office by Dino-sensei. Dino took a seat on his chair in front of his work-filled desk and looked at him with the most sincere expression on his face. "Are you being bullied?" he asked quite frankly.

Tsuna was taken back at the topic. "No…" He decided to lie. He wanted to end this as soon as possible. He had gotten used to that. And he didn't want others to be involved in his troubles again.

"Please be honest with me, Tsuna," His voice sounded awfully sincere.

"I'm alright," Tsuna tried to convince the young teacher.

"You don't look alright to me. Tell me why you don't come to school often? Why is your desk filled with so many scratches? Why is your body wrapped up in so many bandages? I'm worried about you – especially with the many rumours about you."

Tsuna gritted his teeth. Many bad rumours went around about him. There were rumours, that he was in the mafia – he didn't miss the irony – or he had actually bribed Gokudera to become his bodyguard because they had become close so suddenly. It was just so funny. They didn't know anything about him and the fact that they were making up all kinds of stories that just further proved how much that they _didn't_ know him.

"I'm alright. You don't need to bother about me. Just pretend you don't see or hear anything, Sensei," he said, keeping a straight face.

He was used to other people asking if something was wrong with him before giving him empty promises, making the situation seem better before giving up on him and just pretending to not see his bruises or hear his screams when they realized –it wasn't their business so why bother?

"You are my responsibility Tsuna! How can I just pretend everything is fine when it's not?!" Dino reasoned.

"But my home-room teachers before you always do that! You should do that too… And it would save you from a lot of headaches and problems..." Tsuna suggested. It was strange. There wasn't any benefit in doing it. Why was Dino even bothering?

Dino sighed in defeat, "I will let you slip this time….But just promise me. When you believe me then let me help you," Dino insisted.

Tsuna blinked. The kindness was strange to him so he didn't know how to respond it. But he gave Dino small smile and made the promise anyway.

Xxx

It was gloomy from the morning. The cloudy, black sky was bare of any weather at all. The sky kind of reflected his emotions. He didn't feel too good today. There was a tight feeling in his chest and he didn't particularly like gloomy skies. It reminded him of many bad things. His bad luck would go downhill too and his body would mysteriously feel weak.

He needed to be fast. Gokudera had been released from hospital today. The doctor hadn't wanted Gokudera to go home so soon because his wounds hadn't fully healed yet but the bomber insisted to on home as soon as possible to protect Tsuna.

His eyes focused on the sky. He hoped the bad weather would go away. He didn't like it. The sky without anything. It seemed lonely and broken.

"Hi Tsuna! Do you have a second? There's an important thing I want to talk to you about," Yamamoto broke his trail of thought.

Tsuna blinked and nodded anyway even though he felt uneasy around Yamamoto.

"I just want to ask what your relationship with Gokudera is. You just became close all of a sudden. I thought you didn't like people like Gokudera."

Tearing his gaze away from the dismal sky, the brunet looked down at floor. "There isn't anything special between me and Gokudera. I just owe Gokudera a favour so I wanted to do my best to help him and not be a burden."

Everything happened so fast. One second Yamamoto was charging towards Tsuna with a deadly expression in his eyes, "Help him? Don't make me laugh. You're just using him." Yamamoto explained, all the while grinning sickly.

"Wha…?" His face lost all colour, almost resembling the sky up above. He felt the blood draining away from his face. Tsuna's hands were shaking, his eyes wide and staring at Yamamoto.

"You were almost killed by one of the assassins. You had begun to think you didn't want to die. You realized your life was precious when you just treated it like crap before. Isn't that true?" Yamamoto asked him, eyes glittering cruelly.

Tsuna gasped. "How could you know that?!"

The ex-baseball player laughed, but there was no humour in it, and showed him a strange ring with the rain symbol carved on it. "Do you know what this is?

Tsuna shook his head, frustrated and clearly confused.

Yamamoto smiled. Clearly Yamamoto pitied him because of his obliviousness. "It's the proof I am one of the Vongola guardians – the Rain guardian. So I know everything about one of my Famiglia's hindrances, Gokudera, of course."

Tsuna was confused. All of this crazy, mafia talk was making his head explode. "Hindrance's?"

"Gokudera is annoying to Federico-sama. Federico-sama doesn't want Gokudera to be one of his guardians, much less his right-hand man, but Gokudera doesn't know when to give up. Sadly your father saw a chance and reissued his position to you. He gave him half of the Vongola Storm ring in exchange for Gokudera being your bodyguard," Yamamoto explained.

Tsuna bit his lips in frustration. Now that Yamamoto had mentioned it to him**,** Tsuna clearly had seen Gokudera wear a strange ring on one of his fingers like Yamamoto, but in a different shape. It made sense now.

Yamamoto laughed like mad man and said "I've begun to take pity on Gokudera. Just like that man, you saw an opportunity in Gokudera and put pressure on him**, **but you didn't even have any dreams or goals in your life. You used him. "

"No…" Tsuna whispered out.

"You aren't intending on helping Gokudera for his sake, but for your own selfish need to save your conscience."

"Th-that's not true…!" He answered but found that he couldn't look into Yamamoto's eyes. It seemed like he was staring straight into the depths of Tsuna's soul. Tsuna took a few steps back, horrified, and shook his head furiously. But wasn't it true? It felt as if his chest had been ripped apart. It hurt.

Yamamoto eyes darkened and clearly showed his disgust at him "Selfish. Ignorant. That's the very core of you. That's why I hate you. You just pretend to help other people and sacrifice yourself. Playing to be one of the good guys. But soon I will end it."

"What…. What do you mean?" Tsuna couldn't help but stutter.

"I will end your pathetic struggle and give you salvation; what you have been yearning for, for so long…by killing you," Yamamoto whispered and there wasn't even the slightest hesitation in his words, his eyes clear and determined. He was dead serious. His eyes were those of a predator's and Tsuna was his prey.

Xxx

"You look relaxed Tsuna. Even after your classmates declared he would kill you. You know his skill is of the best. That's why he earned the position as one of the Vongola's guardians," Reborn reminded Tsuna.

The brunet just blinked his eyes and laughed him off. "What are you saying? Stop joking around Reborn…"

"Don't lie to me, Tsuna. I saw it all."

_Flashback_

Actually, Reborn had watched it and had not been pleased by the situation. He just wanted to make Tsuna know what he was facing now. The child would know sooner or later, so he had let Yamamoto reveal the information.

"What do you think you're you doing?" Reborn glowered.

"You see…. My next target is Tsuna! Let's play and have fun, ne?" Yamamoto declared playfully, his tone at odds with his cold eyes. He didn't seemt o mind the fact both Reborn and Gokudera would guard Tsuna after they found out Yamamoto's intention of killing Tsuna.

"What are you planning**,** Yamamoto?" Reborn asked. Reborn had a hint of an idea of what Yamamoto had in mind, but he just wanted to make sure.

"Nothing! I just decided to have a little fun after all and you know the one who sent me? It was Gokudera's aneki (sister), Poison scorpion so I guess I will do her a favour. Two birds with one stone!" Yamamoto said cheerily.

It was bad…The timing wasn't good. Tsuna's life was on the edge of a roof. Yamamoto was one of the best swordsmen in the mafia world. He had forcibly taken the title from Superbi Squalo, one of Varia officers as The Third Emperor of swords in middle school. He had learned it all in a mere three month period.

Not the only that, but Yamamoto was a natural born hitman. He was extremely talented as a hitman even if Yamamoto himself didn't realize it. And Gokudera had gotten hurt too, and hadn't fully recovered yet.

But what was he planning? Yamamoto was The Rain Guardian of the Vongola afterall. He must know that killing Tsuna would be considered as betrayal to the Famiglia. Tsuna was Iemitsu's son. His title as the Vongola Rain Guardian could be stripped away, so why was he doing it?

"You know the consequences, right?"

The swordsman nodded, "Of course, but I will do anything to erase someone who will hinder Federico-sama and fulfil my duty as The Rain Guardian."

Pathetic. Just blind loyalty, Reborn thought.

_End Flashback_

"I don't know what you're talking about, Reborn." The brunet still refused to tell him the truth.

Reborn smashed the table with his tiny fist,making the end of the table crack and earning a surprised gasp from Tsuna. "Don't underestimate Yamamoto. He was serious about killing you."

"I…I..." Tsuna couldn't find anything to say.

"Don't try to make any excuses," Reborn threatened Tsuna.

"Just…. Just don't tell Gokudera-kun about this! If he knows then he'll try to protect me again and will probably end up hurt again. He isn't even fully healed yet!" Tsuna pleaded.

Reborn raised an eye brow. "Don't worry about him. He was using you like your father was using him. It's the same. Even if Gokudera almost died to protect you. That's a risk he's taking out of his own volition, if he's serious about becoming the Vongola Tenth's right-hand man."

"I…I can't let happen. I already consider Gokudera my friend..." The brunet said, but Reborn ignored him.

**Xxx**


	5. Regret

**My world chapter 4 : Regret **

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

'Was Yamamoto really planning to kill him?'was all Tsuna could think throughout the whole week. Sure, he didn't have a good relationship with Yamamoto and was probably just a hindrance to him. He didn't really mind being killed, either – he would die sooner or later and nobody would miss him anyway. There wasn't any difference whether he was dead or alive. Anyone could replace him, easily. But it hurt somehow because he couldn't make up to Yamamoto.

He didn't have the guts to tell him how sorry he was and willing to do anything to repay that mistake he had made in the past. But he didn't want to say that again. It would feel like a pathetic excuse to use it against Yamamoto. If he did that, maybe Yamamoto would feel guilt in killing him

Xxx

Heavy panting could be heard in the air. The sword missed his heart by a hair's breadth, but it was fatal anyway. The smell of blood lingered in the heavy rain, mixing in with the earthy scent that was rain. The red crimson blood splattered everywhere, leaving him alone and dying.

"Do you know why I am so eager to kill you, Tsuna? Do you know why?" Yamamoto's voice was lilting, and Tsuna didn't want to hear it, but he continued on, "If only I hadn't asked for your advice that time! If only I hadn't jumped…!" Yamamoto's voice was rising. His face darkened, so far from being his usual face of smiles and laughter.

Tsuna began to recall one of the scariest moments of his life. Tsuna tried to cover his ears. No! He didn't want to remember it. Why must he remember that painful time? He had been hurt too. The scariest thing was remembering that he had failed his friend. He was a coward who ran away from responsibility.

The swordsman continued, "I can't help but blame you for all the misfortune that has fallen on me. If I didn't believe in such fragile things like friendship… Maybe… Maybe my Dad would still be alive. My Dad was a good man. He never did anything wrong. And he loved me. But when he heard that I jumped off the roof two years ago, he thought I was dead…and blaming himself, he took his life," Yamamoto explained, laughing bitterly.

Tsuna's eyes widened. He had never heard of any of that…. Yamamoto clearly couldn't forgive him. Tsuna definitely wouldn't if the same thing happened in reverse. Tsuna knew the feeling of losing precious people too. He understood how Yamamoto felt. And to think that he was the source of this whole mess.

"From that day onwards... I struggled and struggled, and only Federico-sama would help me. It was your fault, if only you listened to me before it would never have happened. If only you had been selfish and told Gokudera about my announcement of killing you..." Yamamoto blamed him again, but guilt could be seen in his eyes

Tsuna gave Yamamoto a tired smile "Just do it already. I want it to end. So please kill me now. Don't hesitate…"

His words spurred Yamamoto's sword to point at his heart, directly above his chest. The pain he felt in his body was unbearable. It just hurt so very much. He could describe how much it hurt a hundred times over, but knew he would never be able to give the searing hot pain justice.

_Just make it end quickly._

The swordsman nodded and gave him a smile too. His eyes had lost their hesitation. Gripping the sword tighter than before, he readied his sword to thrust into his heart with no mercy. Yamamoto muttered few words under his breath, but Tsuna couldn't care less. His mind was blank and his vision had gone blurry. He just wanted his pain to be washed away with rain.

He found it hard to face life anymore. After everything he had gone through, he was all alone. He didn't know what to do anymore, and he was too scared to live to any further extent. He would go mad eventually, but for then, he didn't care – he just wanted to be forgiven and be useful, for once.

But it never came. Why? His last thought was, strangely enough, of Dino-sensei… and then everything went black.

Xxx

Reborn studied Gokudera. He had never thought that the boy would be willing to save Tsuna. Even giving up the half Vongola Storm ring and stepping down from becoming Vongola Decimo's right man.

"I stepped down from becoming The Storm Guardian because I want to protect Sawada Tsunayoshi. That's all," Gokudera reasoned, his eyes challenging Reborn to ask more.

Reborn nodded, but gave a small test for Gokudera to assess his loyalties. "Then do you want to be given another chance? Become a different Vongola guardian – you know you aren't limited to just Storm, as you have multiple flames in your body. I can ask Iemitsu to give you another ring and you can fulfil you dream." Of course that was all just nonsense. It was too ridiculous. There was no way Reborn would that. If Gokudera said yes then Reborn planned to kill him right on the spot. It would show how rotten that boy was and he wouldn't qualify to be near Tsuna. He could be a potential threat to Tsuna in the future.

"No. It's fine. Federico doesn't need me. He hasn't wanted to accept me, but I was just fooling myself –I've known all along. He has wanted to eliminate me, but I ignored that. And it's become fatal like this," Reborn could see the longing in the younger boy's eyes, but determination overshadowed it.

"I thought you didn't like him."

The man, teenager really, named 'Smoking bomb' stared up at the sky before answering him. "Yeah I didn't like him. He was weak and useless. Those were my only thoughts till now. But he was willing to trade his life just to be forgiven. That's foolish….. I can't stand people like that…That's why I want to…"

"I see….."

"How is Sawada's condition?" Gokudera asked, changing the subject. He was probably feeling guilty about his student's condition.

Reborn sighed. Gokudera had reminded him of his useless student. For days, Tsuna had kept himself locked up in his hospital room, not allowing anyone to enter except him and Dino. The nurses and doctors had tried to enter before, but Tsuna's condition had worsened because of his crying and resistance despite the fact that his wounds were barely treated and he was nowhere near recovered.

He had foolishly made his wounds open up again.

Whenever Reborn entered, he would find Tsuna curled up in a ball in his bed, shaking under his blanket and muttering apologies over and over again.

Reborn had invited Gokudera in once to try and alleviateTsuna's guilt. But it had ended in failure, because the brunet's keening reached new levels when he saw Gokudera, as if he had seen a ghost and had started to thrash around. It was just too useless. Reborn had regretted his decision, but he would not show it to anyone. Why had he felt such emotions?

"Gee Tsuna…. You could have told me that something was wrong. Sensei would have helped you and you wouldn't have been hurt like this! Besides, that's what I'm here for…" Dino complained when he woke up.

Tsuna was stunned, as he figured out the implications of what Dino was saying. Dino had saved him. But how? How could Dino have saved him? It meant that he had to be on par with Yamamoto, or even stronger. Yamamoto's fighting skills clearly was not child's play. How could a normal English teacher save him? It was crazy. Unless…unless Dino wasn't just an English teacher. Tsuna dismissed the thought before he could go down that path. He would rather not.

"Dino, your skills are getting rusty. It's seemed I need to train you all over again," Reborn commented, barging into his room and jumping onto Dino's shoulder.

The blonde teacher scratched his head nervously, "I guess… the Rain Guardian of Vongola's name isn't for nothing. I could barely hold him back. If Kyoya hadn't helped me, I probably would have been defeated too."

Reborn sighed, "Useless as usual without his men around, huh?"

"Wha…. What?! That's not true, Reborn! Don't make me look bad in front of my student. I just tripped a lot in the fight – it was probably my shoes that were a problem!" the teacher protested.

_Blaming his shoes for all his clumsiness, really?_

"Really?" Reborn teased Dino. The hitman seemed to take a liking to making Dino miserable.

The BuckingHorse turned away in embarrassment and changed the topic, "Anyway… Tsuna don't do that again. It's dangerous and makes me worry over you. After all you're like my little brother," the light scolding was accompanied by a friendly grin.

Tsuna didn't know what he was to do now. He was barely conscious and the doctor had given him painkillers. They hadn't worked and his body still hurt. Why? Why was he still alive? If only he had died… It could have been useful for someone... He didn't need to be bothered anymore or bother anyone else again. He wanted everything to stop already.

"Why did you save me, Sensei…? I could have given Yamamoto closure, at least… Why…?" Tsuna whimpered. His mind was all messed up. The thought of Yamamoto made the hurt come over him again. Just stop. Stop. _Stop_! He didn't want anything anymore.

Dino-sensei opened his mouth to answer his question but Reborn kicked him hard on his head twice as hard as usual. He didn't really care if his injuries would open up again or not. His ex-student could take care of himself. Dino made to complain about his ex-tutor's violence, but stopped cold from the killer glare Reborn gave him.

"Do you know how much trouble your recklessness got us in, Tsuna?" Reborn's voice was harsh, so unbefitting of a child's.

Tsuna shook his head roughly. He was afraid. Terrified, even. Reborn wasn't one to show his emotions. Even though he had only been with Reborn for a short time, he knew Reborn usually maintained his composure and never would show the weakness he called emotions. But… But this was….Tsuna could feel and hear the anger and disappointment in his voice clearly. Had he really messed up that badly?

"Gokudera lost his half Vongola Storm ring and will never become a guardian of Vongola because of you," Reborn informed him, onyx eyes glittering with an emotion that Tsuna was afraid to identify.

No. No! It couldn't be. It couldn't have happened… He wanted to cry from the bottom of his lungs and be angry about it. To _feel _something else, even if it was anger and frustration. But there was no energy left.

He just muttered a tired, "How…?"

"He gave his Storm ring to Yamamoto so Yamamoto would spare your life," Reborn explained.

It was just a simple sentence, but it was enough to crush him


	6. lost boy and girl

**My world chapter 5 : Lost boy and girls **

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

Muffled screams and thrashing could be heard from the room. It was another nightmare. Tsuna was getting used to them. But he ignored them, too tired to even try doing something. Black bags could be seen under his eyes like heavily smudged eye-liner – he didn't get enough sleep because of the nightmares. He was getting them more and more frequently and couldn't fall back to sleep again after waking up in a sweaty bed, with a pillow threatening to choke him.

It had been two weeks since the incident. But Tsuna hadn't done anything. Nothing at all. He just stared at the wall emptily and regretted everything over and over again. The words, 'I failed…' and 'This entire mess is my fault'repeated in his mind, over and over, until he felt emptier than before, if possible.

Tsuna bit his lips hard enough to draw blood, ignoring the sting. He refused to shed tears ever again. Reborn had said to be honest with himself. But he didn't want to cry. It was like a relief system to him somehow. People like him didn't need to be happy – didn't deserve to be happy. He had to be punished. He needed to atone for his sins somehow.

Tsuna let out bitter laugh, realized how funny it was. It was fine if he was to stay ignorant. He would have liked to live ignorantly, to not know anything more than he needed to. That way he wouldn't have to hurt like this. At least he could live peacefully then. He wouldn't need to be crushed like this. It hurt, it hurt so much. It was ripping him apart. He was afraid to even live.

Tsuna's body shook terribly.

_**Someone please help me… Anyone! **_

Did he need to experience all those horrible things again? Be stabbed again by his former friend or be shown the harsh truth again?

The answer was a definite and firm no.

Tsuna decided it was enough. He didn't want to make other people worry about him. No more bad things would happen again. He just needed to pretend everything was alright. Even if it crushed him on the inside. He would cover it up with smiles and pretend nothing happened anymore. It was for the best. Tsuna was tired. It hurt to see Dino's concerned face and Gokudera's worried one.

But his heart was still wondering: '_Who can help me?'_ It just hurt so much. It felt like he would disappear, but the answer came back to him instantly. Tsuna released a bitter laugh which held despair and hopelessness .He just needed to accept it: _**'No one.'**_

Xxx

It was Tsuna's usual day. He was going to school after the bad thing had happened to him with no expectations. Like a living corpse. He simply existed in the world. Gokudera was following him everywhere. He didn't like it because the gossip had gotten worse at ridiculous amount and it was simply just uncomfortable.

Like" I wonder why Gokudera is hanging out with that loser rather than with us," one of the Occult club's members said with a purposefully high voice, knowing Tsuna could hear them clearly.

"I think he bribed him, like you know he did in the past with Yamamoto. I bet it won't last long," one of the baseball club members of the Middle School's club stage-whispered. He probably held a grudge against Tsuna because they had lost their star player because of the accident and being labelled as losers because they had barely won any matches since.

"Hah. They're the perfect match, you know? The loser and The son of a mistress? How could you expect any better of them,"a bully sneered.

Cruel laughter followed. As if it was _funny._

It wasn't true! Tsuna knew he wasn't getting along with Gokudera well, but he could tell the bomber was genuinely trying to protect him. He was afraid to speak to Gokudera, after all he had done all those horrible things to him and to be honest, the bomber was scary. Every time he considered turning around and opening his mouth, he would lose his courage. In the end, he would just run away without speaking.

It wasn't like him. Usually he pretended everything wasn't happening and behave as a bystander to life. He should let them pass by and ignore them. He told himself that over and over again. They weren't worth his time. But now…

Steeling himself, Tsuna opened his mouth and faced the bullies, "That's not true. Please don't tell such dreadful lies about Gokudera-kun." It had been the first time he had stood up for anyone. He didn't understand why he had done it, but what was important was that he had. His hands were shaking terribly but his eyes bored into theirs. He was serious about his words.

They snickered at him, somewhat amused. Tsuna didn't know what was so funny. Then one of them grabbed him roughly and pinned him against a wall. He didn't resist because he knew that it be more painful than if he was being silent, obediently receiving punches and kicks, even though he didn't know why he had to experience it all again.

"Just please don't speak badly about Gokudera-kun. He is a good person. Much better than the likes of you," Tsuna sneered weakly. He didn't want to show them how scared he was. He didn't want to give them the satisfaction of it.

The bullies laughed again.

"You know, Dame-Tsuna. I don't like you at all. Being around popular guys and getting them hurt. You're a source of bad luck."

"Th-that isn't true…." Tsuna stuttered out weakly, even though the bully was just reaffirming his own fears. He _was _a source of misfortune. But he didn't want to accept it. He tried to cover his ears, but his hands were pressed down against the wall forcefully. He really didn't want to hear any of this. Tsuna began to struggle – he couldn't lose himself in front them.

"Really? Yamamoto almost died because of you and Gokudera was hospitalised last month because he had been around you. Just accept it. You're the source of this whole mess. Why don't you just go and die?"

"That…that's…" Tsuna trailed, off having no way to complete his protest. He didn't want to hear this, know this. He wanted to be able to talk and laugh side by side with Yamamoto and Gokudera like a normal friend. But it was all so messed up. No one turned out like he wanted. He regretted. He regretted oh, so much.

If only Tsuna had known it would have turned out like this, then he would never have gotten close to them. His head throbbed and his throat felt parched, but his eyes remained wide open. He was afraid.

_Someone please help me._

"Ahahaha. Look at the poor guy. Let's offer him a hand," one of the bullies said mischievously. Tsuna watched suspiciously as hands headed his way. Hot hands wrapped themselves around his neck and started squeeze. Really hard. He quickly tried to take a breath in, but choked. The other two watched in sadistic amusement. He couldn't do anything and it hurt. Tsuna's vision was starting to become blurry and he couldn't breathe. The one who was choking him had an insane look on his face.

But he soon released him when he noticed the slightly green shade Tsuna's face had turned from the lack of oxygen.

"Hey…Do you want to kill him?" One of them sounded slightly nervous, but almost excited.

"Nah he isn't worthy to die at my hands."Tsuna shivered from the flippant way the boy talked about killing. "I don't want my future to turn pitch black because I killed someone useless like him."

They laughed.

Tsuna gasped for air and quickly gathered the necessary strength before running from them. He didn't bother to collect his bag, leaving it in the classroom. He was shaking terribly. He could still feel that one part of him, as small as it was that still wanted to live. It was a weird sensation. It was horrible. He still regretted. But then, he regretted many things. What was one more added to his list?

Xxx

It had turned to evening and Tsuna was too preoccupied with everything in his mind to notice anything. Like a boy in a cow outfit and a Chinese girl barging into his house until Gokudera and the boy started arguing.

"Che. You shouldn't come here, Stupid cow." Gokudera said to a child who wore cow patterned cloth and with ridiculous hair which seemed to store everything from candy to grenades. Tsuna didn't know that, of course.

"Stupidera! Lambo-sama grants you permission to meet him. You should be grateful," Lambo said in an arrogantly loud voice, praising himself.

"Bastard! Do you want die so bad?!" Gokudera asked, annoyed.

"Mina (everyone) must be at peace**,**" The Chinese girl, I-pin said in her broken Japanese.

Tsuna looked down, feeling left out. He wasn't good with people.

"You stink, Stupid cow. Go take a bath**,**" Gokudera complained.

"Ok. But Stupidera must wash Lambo-sama's hair!"

The bomber looked he was going to explode so Tsuna intervened before Gokudera blew the kid, presumably Lambo, up and volunteered himself to washLambo's hair instead. Lucky for him, the child didn't seem to have any problems with it.

A few minutes later, Tsuna was alone with Lambo in the bathroom, tub filled with warm water.

"Lambo-san will bath with his clothes on!" the kid declared. Tsuna chalked it down to the fact that the child was so difficult and weird, but shook his head roughly. He pried the cow suit off from a kicking and screaming Lambo and saw something that made him pale and freeze. It was a bruise. It wasn't just one. Bruises of different sizes and shapes decorated every part of Lambo's body. It had been covered by the cow suit before, but it was in clear view now. And it looked like it hurt. Some of them were black, while some had turned an ugly yellow. Tsuna noted with some revulsion that there were smaller wounds, too, not fresh enough to still be bleeding, but still look an angry red.

"Keep this a secret. Please don't tell Stupidera. He'd end up angry." It was asimple request.

"H-how did you end up li-like _this_…?" Tsuna was horrified, and his hands shook, still clutching onto the cow suit as he mumbled.

Lambo looked down. The arrogant kid from before was gone, and in front of him now was just a little boy. "Lambo-san failed **on** a mission and boss ended up being **a** meanie and punished Lambo-san."

Tsuna grit his teeth, shaking not just from fear, but anger and disgust too. It was just too cruel. Children were supposed to be happy and spoiled. When he was kid, even though there were bullies then too, he would have Nana with him all the time. When he was hurt, his wounds were patched up immediately and he would get amazing food cooked by Nana and lazed around, sleeping all day.

"It's going to hurt, but I'm going to treat your wounds after you finish this bath, okay, Lambo?" He helped Lambo wash his hair, careful to be gentle.

"Lambo-sama is fine. Lambo-sama is strong!" The child proclaimed.

Tsuna nodded. Yes. Lambo was stronger than him, at least.

After the bath, Tsuna cleaned and bandaged Lambo's wounds with loud yelling, whining and running included. Then he resolved. He would help Lambo and I-pin. He could not let little _kids_ be involved with the _mafia._ It was just too dangerous.

"It wasn't Yamamoto fault. Please don't report him. It was my own clumsiness**,**" Tsuna said.

Reborn paused, and a resounding 'what?' went through his head. It didn't take long for him to regain his senses. How tired was the brunet to ask him, the Spartan tutor, to not report Yamamoto. It was crazy and incomprehensible. Why was Tsuna being so foolish and forgiving? "Why? Do you want to die that badly?" Reborn asked, raising an eyebrow.

The brunet blinked for a few seconds before answering. Tsuna seemed surprised by the question.

"It was my fault. It won't happen again. So please don't report him." Tsuna pleaded with hoarse voice.

The hitman considered Tsuna's strange request slowly before he nodded. It had already been two months since the attack. Tsuna had been released from the hospital and Gokudera was doing a fine job as his bodyguard. Before Tsuna had been given the clean bill, he had brought all of his homework and stayed by his side.

But there was one thing bugging him. It was worrisome to Reborn. Yes, his student had begun maturing at a rapid rate,but the growing personalities seemed unnatural. Sometimes Reborn would caught his student with dull, lifeless, distant eyes which held no interest in world instead of the pathetic, wide doe-eyed eyes which he showed everyone else. His student didn't look willing to open his heart to him.

But Reborn didn't say anything.

"Hie! I can't do it!" Reborn had hoped that Tsuna would complain or do something like that when Reborn gave him an impossible task to complete but the brunet would take them all with a distant smile, accepting everything and getting hurt badly because of that. It tore him apart when he would see how disconnected to the world Tsuna was and how unhappy he was being alive.

Until…

"You want to take care of that stupid cow and I-pin? You can't even take care of yourself. Lambo's previous boss sold him because of his uselessness. And I-pin is strong enough to survive without anyone's help,so don't fuss about it. Just look after yourself," Reborn said. It was an argument that Tsuna and Reborn had had several times.

It had been so sudden. Tsuna had to go to hospital again because his wounds had reopened _again _from getting in-between a scuffle between Lambo and an irate Gokudera. Reborn sighed. Tsuna was a magnet for bad luck for him to associate with the hospital so often. Most of the doctors knew him by name now.

There was a shocked look on Tsuna's face. There were many things in the dark mafia world, where horrible people who sold children because they didn't do things right. And they were abused and trained from a nearly age to become a mere tool for killing. It was the norm in the underworld, which was steeped in blood. Reborn had seen it all. There were too many bad things in that world. It was a real, live nightmare. **Except for one difference – you couldn't wake up from that one.**

"I want to protect Lambo and I-pin. Children shouldn't experience such things. Please Reborn, _please_ do something," Tsuna pleaded. It was the first time he had ever resolved to do anything. Reborn could attest to that. He could hear it in Tsuna's words, there was resolve, his dying will in his words.

The hitman looked at him for a moment. Well it wouldn't be bad to have Tsuna in his debt. And even though he was annoying, the stupid cow would make the perfect lackey. And I-pin was a student from an acquaintance so he was obliged to help her anyway.


	7. Denial

**My world chapter 6 : Denial**

**BETA'D : eclipsed flower**

**Disclaimer : I do not own KHR.**

Xxxxx

"I played the role of a good wife and mother, even when you were away. And you want to take him from me?! Never! He can't live without me and I won't live without him." His mother was raising her voice in anger, far from the sweet voice which she usually used.

Tsuna would remember that voice and it would haunt him. His mother loved that man and had become somewhat paranoid and now that Iemitsu was gone, she depended on Tsuna instead. She was afraid to let him go and always told him to come home as soon as possible. She didn't allow him to go to school for certain periods of time.

He wouldn't call it normal anyway. His mother had gotten stranger every day. At first, she would be happy, cheerful and warm Nana, and then suddenly she would be sad and angry, saying horrible things like that she regretted marrying Iemitsu, having a child and resorted to violence like breaking plates and anything she could get her hands on. Including him. She punched him wildly from time to time, apologizing each time with reassurances that it would never happen again. She was lying, even if she wasn't consciously aware of it.

It _hurt_.

"Please, think about it, for our child. He certainly didn't like…"

Nana slammed her hand down onto the table. "No! I won't allow you to do that. I raised him by myself. You didn't take a single part in anything except giving us money and a home to survive in. Do you know how humiliating it was for me when our neighbours whispered about our family behind my back? And now you want take him from me?! "

Tsuna sighed. His mother worked too hard to maintain her image as a loving and happy good wife. Why were they so selfish? They never asked his opinions and forced him to do what they wanted. He didn't like how they talked like they knew him and chose _his _path for him. It wasn't fair.

Xxx

Why was he remembering this now? It had been a long time since his mother had died and left him. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he just forget about her and move on forward? And…

"Kufufu… Then you should make a contract with me, Sawada Tsunayoshi."

That dream again. He was certainly tired of it. When would it all stop? It got crazier every time. Now what? He sighed for the umpteenth time. It was just a dream. But it was enough to make him scared for life. Tsuna groaned. Pain started throbbing in his head. He looked around to see a teary-eyed Lambo and I-pin, and a worried-looking Gokudera. He also found some crazy thing around his bed like a bomb or a shock pistol.

What was going on?

"Maa… Stop crying, you two," Tsuna said, but the two children cried louder than ever and hugged him tightly like afraid he would disappear. Gokudera didn't look any better. He looked like a ghost, his pale skin already white enough and worry was painted across his face.

"Tsuna-sama wouldn't wake up even after Reborn-san tried to wake you up and you looked like you were struggling in your dream. We tried to wake you up, but failed and Lambo began crying, which is annoying," Gokudera explained.

"Sorry… I just had a sweet dream and didn't want to wake up," Tsuna lied. In actuality, it was a horrid almost-nightmare. He didn't want to remember it again. He forced himself to smile, the stretch of his lips wobbly, but somehow resembled that of a smile. He didn't like it. The nightmare still lingered. But he was certainly getting better at lying, as the children smiled back at him after they heard that. He just felt horrible inside. What was wrong with him? It must have been that nightmare, Tsuna thought. Yup. The nightmare.

Their crying finally became calmer and reduced to the occasional hiccup.

Xxx

Reborn had been around to see the idiot leader of CEDEF fall in love with and eventually brag about how kind, beautiful or sweet his beloved Nana was. Sometimes when the man had whined about missing her, Reborn had considered just shooting Iemitsu in the head to shut him up. He spent practically every living second bragging and always brought his family pictures with him. He was considered the most doting and best parent or husband.

But Reborn didn't see that.

Sure, Iemitsu had a good reason for that – the mafia was not a good and healthy life style after all. When the enemy found your family and who they know, they would be killed, disappear or get hurt. But for hell's sake, the only picture he had had _with_ his family was when Tsuna was three years old. He just supplied them with money and shelter. He didn't exist in their lives.

Sometimes he really pitied Iemitsu. The man considered his own son precious, yet he treated Basil better than his son. It was the worst of all. He cooed about how adorable his son was, but he neglected him.

''Argh!''

His thoughts disappeared when he heard yet another scream. Reborn hadn't really thought much of the screaming; after all it was probably just some bad dream and wouldn't affect anything. Until now. His student was growing tired and unstable emotions, causing him to be mad over nothing. He was frightened by even the slightest of sounds.

"What's wrong with you, Tsuna?" Reborn asked while watching the boy carefully.

Xxx

His eyes were wide, full of fear and his body was shaking terribly. "No I don't remember! I didn't lie to anyone!" Tsuna mumbled and repeated the words over and over again like a broken radio. He needed to reassure himself that it was fine. It was just a dream…

He was so afraid, wishing desperately that it would all just stop. He didn't want to remember and he didn't know _**anything**_**.** He refused to sleep. If he fell asleep, he would have to face that nightmare again. He would meet that man again. He would break again.

"You can tell me about it, Dame-Tsuna. I'm your tutor, after all."

Tsuna's eyes softened when he heard that. But then he remembered, Tsuna would wake up by means of Reborn's hammer or another ridiculous method, and be forced to do impossible things like dodging bullets, and having bombs explode if he answered a question wrong. He had been kicked, punched, and bullied by that hit-man who called himself his tutor, and he hated that he was afraid of it all. But Reborn always saw through him and never gave up on him. Reborn had become an important person to him in such a short time. But he still didn't want to tell him. Reborn would hate him.

Tsuna couldn't tell Reborn, not anybody.

_"__**Be a good boy and never tell anyone. No one will know the killer, if you keep silent**__."_ Those words. He remembered them, and they haunted him. He couldn't forget even if he tried. The words were imprinted in his mind.

"No, it's nothing… Just a bad dream…" He finally said.

Meanwhile…

A boy with strange heterochromatic eyes laughed, amused by his little toy. "Kufufu... Sawada Tsunayoshi, what a bad liar."

**Xxx**

**YAWNED... So tired... Damn but no matter... Eclipsed Flower edited this fanfic from chapter one to seven and she was getting better. Damn... TTwTT.. She is awesome. I should be like her... Anyway I hope you are enjoying it...**

**Thanks for ****the reading favoriting, following, reviewing! Without you all I won't get this far…**

**Ciao Ciao, see you at next chapter…**


	8. False Hapiness

Chapter 7

False Happiness

Beta reader : eclipsed flower

Tsuna had almost forgotten how good it could feel. He had become so accustomed to feeling miserable that happiness was now a foreign feeling. His mind and heart had gone numb. Good times were only fooling him after all.

His world had never seemed so dark. It was just unfair; he wouldn't have left at home if he had known. Tsuna shouldn't have fought with her. He would never be able to say sorry anymore.

In death, when you're killed … It all finishes when you are dead.

His mother had been already dead when he found her, specks of red blood sprayed around the room.

Tsuna can still see the image crystal clear, imprinted in his mind's eye.

He had refused to acknowledge it, scrambling into the room with pure, unadulterated fear in his eyes. He grabbed the telephone and called an ambulance. He knew it was a foolish move, but he just couldn't accept that _his mother was dead._ It was as clear as day that Nana was already dead. There was no light in her eyes and her heart had stopped beating forever. She was just a cold and limp body – nothing distinguished her from any other piece of flesh. What made her _her _was gone.

A normal person would have called the police first and gotten out of the home as fast as possible. It was common sense.

A normal person wouldn't have run to get the first aid and tend to the lifeless body. It was absurd.

"It's useless, Tsuna," he had said to him while grabbing the knife. Red blood soaked through his expensive suit in a grotesque way, the blood creating dark red patterns of laughing and dancing devils.

_No! No! He couldn't hear him. There was still a chance._

"**Now. Now. I told you. It's useless. Be a good boy and never tell anyone. No one will know the killer if you keep silent. Or you will lose me, your important person," he said while grinning in a terrifyingly cheeky way at him.**

"Please save her…." Tsuna had begged with a dry and soft voice when the ambulance finally arrived.

The paramedic Tsuna addressed looked at him with pity. "We're sorry, but your mother was long dead before we came. There's no way she can be saved."

Misery filled him. But he wasn't surprised - he had already known that his mother was dead when he arrived home.

Tsuna had just been ridiculously hoping that he could apologize for yelling and saying horrible things to her, such as hating her and wishing that he himself wished that he had never born so that he didn't need to deal with this twisted world of his world and what his mother had become.

"Are you Sawada Tsunayoshi?" a policeman asked. He vaguely remembered that he had called the police after the ambulance. He nodded dumbly and they took him to the police station like a criminal.

Tsuna could see a sort of disgust on their faces. He was shaking really bad. To be honest, he was really afraid. Nobody would protect him. The police interrogated him like _he _was the one who had murdered his mother.

_Where were you all this time? _

_Did you have a bad relationship with your mother? _

_I hear you aren't the best of students, so did she ever have the reason to abuse you? Hit you? _

_-And if she did abuse you, did you strike out in a moment of anger and try to fight back? _

_-Maybe even kill her?_

_Are you relieved that she's dead? _

They were the sort of horrible questions that made his stomach churn and eyes burn. His mother had just _died_. And now they thought him a suspect. He was the one who had called the police!

Despite how indignant he felt, he answered all the questions like a good citizen as truthfully as he could remember. The police could see no reason to keep him and released him after it all. Claiming he was suspicious, they said they would keep their eyes on him, as if they knew he was guilty, knew that he knew who the killer was, but was keeping silent. He was a criminal too, an accomplice in a way.

Tsuna grimaced.

Tomorrow, he would have to go to a school that he hated, but it would be better than to stay at home and become lost in thought and drive himself insane. Tsuna felt like his head was going to explode. The only thing that kept him sane was that he knew he would be able to keep himself busy to forget every thing.

During the next few weeks, Tsuna stayed behind at school, becoming a regular at the library, trying futilely to complete assignments and homework. He dreaded when he had to leave -there was nobody there waiting for him to return home.

Than he befriended Yamamoto Takeshi, one of the popular guys at school.

When Yamomoto asked for advice from him, he was overjoyed because he could finally help someone. Especially since it was one adored by the school.

"Are you okay, Tsuna?" Yamamoto asked him, worried. It was obvious that Tsuna wasn't at all stable. His skin was a pasty white and dark circles surrounded his tired eyes giving him a panda-like expression and messy uncombed hair covered his face, and he always looked down at the floor when he talked to others. It was beyond shyness, it was like he was scared of people.

"It's nothing. Some… things happened. I'm fine, I can handle it, Yamamoto," he said and prayed that Yamamoto wouldn't pry. He needed to keep to himself right now because Yamamoto had a baseball match next month and he couldn't be selfish and put unnecessary weight on Yamamoto. Yamamoto needed to be fully prepared for the next match, it was an important one.

It would be unfair of Tsuna to unload all his worries and troubles onto Yamamoto as much as he wanted to.

It was just that…those words. He couldn't forget even if he tried. They were imprinted into his mind.

"Iif you say so, Tsuna. Don't hesitate to tell me anything!. We're friends, after all!" Yamamoto said cheerily, eyes searching Tsuna's.

Tsuna smiled at Yamamoto gratefully and told him that he tell him when he was ready and was glad that Yamamoto hadn't pushed, because he just couldn't bring himself to let everything go.

Xxx

Mochida had challenged Tsuna to fight., his reasoning being that he was too close to 'his' Kyoko and that he should know his place as Dame, thus not allowing him to interact with Yamamoto and Kyoko.

Tsuna had absolutely no desire to fight, and if they really were to fight, who would be the winner was obvious.

It was completely illogical anyway.

A kendo-captain who had won several kendo tournaments and recent tournament champion against a Dame Student who sucked at sport. Anyone with common sense could see that it wouldn't be a fair match. It didn't help that the judge was biased on Mochida's side either.

Tsuna had readied all these arguments, but it was already too late to complain as Mochida dragged him to the gym, despite his protests. He had ambushed just as Tsuna had tried ro sneak out of his class, unnoticed, desperate to avoid the fight. He didn't mind being called a coward – it would be better than being beaten up in full view of the whole school.

"Ma, maa, you can win Tsuna! You've had great luck recently. Just remember – swing like _gah_ and _bush_-_bush_!" Yamamoto explained to him with his unique method, his arms moving erratically with his noises.

Tsuna really had no idea what he was trying to say, though. But he knew that Yamamoto was trying to cheer him on, so he was grateful. Tsuna couldn't remember a time where he had friends that would cheer him on. He wanted to run away, but that would mean betraying Yamamoto and Kyoko's trust and he didn't want to do that to his only two friends.

The gym was already full of people when they got there. Tsuna was surprised to see Hibari and Shamal there too. Shamal was muttering under his breath that he didn't treat men and Hibari was glaring at everyone around him with deadly intent because they were crowding. There was a big circle of empty space around him.

Tsuna was shaking. He couldn't picture him winning the match, there was just no way, he couldn't believe in himself. Mochida had probably staged this fight so that the whole school could laugh at Tsuna when Mochida won.

"Ready, Dame-Tsuna?" Mochida sneered at him and exchanged a smirk with the judge.

He nodded hesitantly. He didn't know why he was here anymore. It was all a big mistake.

"I'll give you a handicap. If you can deliver I-pon on me, you'll win," he said confidently.

Tsuna sighed in relief. Just I-pon would be pretty easy, right? Even for a dame person like him. He might be able to win after all.

He had been totally wrong.

Mochida cheated in the match. It was such irony. The _captain_ of kendo club resorted to such dirty actions to win against a dame person like him.

Tsuna sneered and fury filled him. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care whether or not he was going to win anymore. His only thought was to hurt Mochida really badly. Mochida was toying with him in front of others. He couldn't stand it, it was unforgivable.

Tsuna dropped his shinai and the bamboo sword made a clattering noise as it fell onto the ground. Tsuna was tired of all of their mockery and games.

Mochida smirked at him, assuming that he had given up. The shinai had not stopped rolling before Tsuna's first punch hit Mochida right on the cheek. Tsuna attacked Mochida like a wild animal not caring if he was breaking the rules. Mochida had already done more than enough of that.

Tsuna was frustrated, he just wanted the stupid match to end already.

Mochida ended up with two broken bone and was shaking really bad by the end. Hibari had stopped up the match, telling Tsuna that he was a carnivore or something like that and that Hibari didn't want something so low being dirtied in his precious school.

Tsuna sighed in relief. It felt strange to be the winner, but it was a nice kind of strange. He hoped that Mochida would leave him and his friends alone now.

Kyoko approached him and Tsuna winced inwardly, thinking she was going to scold him because of his unusual display of violence, but instead she said, "Sawada-kun, you were really cool just then. You aren't an ordinary person after all. Can I call you Tsuna from now on?"

Tsuna blushed red like a tomato. "Sure Kyoko-chan," he said. The world felt like a lighter place for him in that moment.

Xxx

Tsuna frowned uneasily, the police were interrogating him again, and that didn't make him feel any better. They kept asking about his mother's death.. He remained silent and only answered a few questions, and the police were suspicious. They knew he was keeping something secret form them. But he wouldn't tell. Not anybody. Never. He had sworn that to himself.

The police told him to spill everything, and that if they found out that he was withholding information, he would go to jail for being an accomplice to the murder. Tsuna, undaunted, continued to keep silence which frustrated the police.

When he went to school the next day, he was greeted with the news that Yamamoto was about to jump off the roof.

Tsuna charged up the stairs, taking two at a time to the roof to see a dozen of his classmates surrounding an area. They were all curious too. After all, there was no way\ that cheerful and laidback Yamamoto would want to commit suicide.

Tsuna hid in the shadow, afraid, all of the energy from before gone. What would happen if he tried to comfort Yamamoto? Would he make it even worse and cause Yamamoto to jump. He could be seen as a murderer. Tsuna didn't want that, the police found him suspicious already.

This just _had_ to happen after his situation had finally turned better for him. He didn't want to go back alone again.

It all because of his stupid advice.

**Flashback**

"**Haha, I'm not really that good. I just play baseball like it's all I know. But my skills are bad and my practice isn't going well too," Yamamoto complained. **

**Their team had lost in baseball that lesson. They said it was because Tsuna was on team. As punishment, he had been ordered to clean the field. **

**It was rare to see Yamamoto frustrated over something, so Tsuna was worried.**

"**Lately my hit average and fielding is screwing up and my team-mates are catching up to me. At this rate, I will have nothing to be good at," he said and looked at Tsuna, his forehead creased. "Tsuna, what should I do ?"**

"**EH! You're asking **_**me**_**, Yamamato-san?! He exclaimed in disbelief.**

"**Yeah. Lately you've been so reliable," he said while grinning.**

**Tsuna wasn't a exactly the greatest person to get advice from, so he said the first thing that crossed his mind. "More effort…I guess."**

**Tsuna felt that he didn't deserve the grin and pat he received.**

**Flashback End**

Yamamoto noticed him in his little shadow and he was looking at him. Tsuna turned his face away in shame. He didn't know what he was supposed to., he knew that he just wouldn't be able to bear the responsibility if he were to fail.

Yamamoto gave him a small sad smile, and Tsuna could see that it was tinged with disappointment.

Then he jumped.

A scream followed and the color drained from Tsuna's face. He hadn't expected Yamamoto to really jump. He had thought someone would comfort Yamamoto and convince him not to jump. He knew then he should have at least _tried_ to comfort him, even if it were for nought. But he had been selfish and afraid. So, so foolish.

Xxx

The broken pieces of Tsuna's confidence had finally collapsed into nothing. He had lost both Nana and Yamamoto in such a close amount of time because of his actions and words. If only he hadn't done anything. Maybe it would have been fine then.

Tsuna didn't want to lose anything again. He was afraid. Terrified. Nobody would understand this feeling. Because having nothing to begin with was better than having something precious stolen from you. He had to stop being greedy and trying to change things for the better. He knew they would only end up worse.

Afraid. Afraid.

Tsuna didn't know where he belonged anymore.

XXXXXXXX

Sorry… There are no excuses than me being a worst person and I will take semi-hiatus. I won't be active anymore. I hope everyone can understand and thank you for all supports. Especially my beta reader. Sorry I couldn't write proper thank you for you all. I must go now.


End file.
